


this is the place

by calthighway



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ben Mitchell Week 2020, Coming Out, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Falling In Love, First Time, Heroes & Villains, Love Confessions, M/M, Short Chapters, Tags to be added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27684008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calthighway/pseuds/calthighway
Summary: entries for ‘ben mitchell week 2020’
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 21
Kudos: 105





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> day 1: you’re not broken

Callum used to wonder what was so peaceful about coming here, but he doesn’t have to wonder anymore.

The silence. The knowing you are alone, but not exactly _lonely_. Callum’s felt that before, and this isn’t it.

It’s a chance to breathe, to think. To appreciate life in a way you can’t when you feel like everything is against you.

Callum feels free here. In the middle of nowhere, with nothing but green scenery for miles and stars up above.

This place was for Callum and Callum only, but there’s something – _someone_ he wanted to share this with.

“Beautiful, ain’t it?” Callum whispers, not wanting to break the silence, but wanting to know what _he_ thinks.

There’s a shuffle next to him, and Callum looks up to see the man who has claimed his heart without even trying, looking down at him now on his elbows. “Gorgeous,” is his reply, just as quiet.

“Nobody else knows I come here,” Callum admits. “Nobody knows about this place.”

“What am I doing here then?”

Callum licks his lips, his heart pounding too fast in his chest and too loud for his ears. He watches Ben’s fingers pick at grass, almost shyly.

“Because – because I know ya don’t think I’m broken.”

Ben stops and sits up, a sad look behind his eyes. “ _You’re not broken_ ,” Ben pulls Callum up until he’s sat up too, leaning back slightly on his hands. “You listening to me?”

Callum laughs sadly, “you’ve got to say that. You’re my mate.”

Ben huffs, his lips separating in the process. “This in here,” Ben places his hand against Callum’s chest, “is the most _kindest_ heart anyone could ever have.” Ben’s fingers stretch up slightly until they’re hooked around the gold chain around Callum’s neck. “You’re lovely,” Ben shrugs with a smile like it’s the easiest thing in the world to say. As if it’s true.

“I ain’t perfect,” Callum swallows. “I ain’t-“

“Who said anything about perfect?” Ben smirks, his hand resting against Callum, jewellery still in his hand.

Callum laughs then, his head dropping at the feel of his cheeks heating up. He shakes his head with embarrassment, “nobody.”

Callum’s thankful for the streetlight just behind him shining little light on Ben’s face, letting him see the way his face softens with a smile on his lips.

“You should smile more,” Callum tells him. “Ya always look angry in halls.”

“There ain’t much to smile about there,” Ben sighs. “Only there to keep my mum off my back.”

Callum’s smile drops, Ben’s fingers on his chain suddenly feeling suffocating. “You’re lucky ya still got her.”

Ben closes his eyes in regret when he realises what he’s said wrong. “I’m so stupid,” he scratches the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean-“

“It’s alright,” Callum reassures.

It’s quiet for a while, Ben’s fingers still loosely based on Callum’s chain for some kind of comfort. “I’d like to come here with ya again. If that’s alright with ya?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Ben nods, settling his head onto Callum’s shoulder. Callum’s heart stopping at the closeness and intimacy of Ben’s actions.

*

A few days later they’re back again, Ben can see the stress on Callum’s face, the weight on his shoulders. “Wanna talk?”

Callum shrugs, wants to act like he’s fine, but it’s a little too late for that now. “Just stuff at home,” Callum plays with loose fabric on his jumper, “ma dad.”

Ben’s jaw tenses because he knows only too well what it’s like having a bad male figure in your life growing up. “Has he hurt ya?”

“No,” Callum shakes his head. “Well, not like _that._ ” He sighs, “just the usual words about me being weak and not _manly_ enough.” Callum looks over at Ben, the lump in his throat expanding. “Told ya I was broken-“

“No,” Ben stops him firmly. “No ya ain’t, Callum.” Without a moment to think about it, Callum has Ben climbing on his lap and he places his hands either side of Ben’s waist. “I might have played down what I really think about ya.”

“Uh? Oh.”

Callum looks up at Ben, not sure what Ben will say next. Scared to think he feels even half of what Callum feels for him. “Maybe I _do_ think you’re perfect,” Ben’s nods. His hands relax at the back of Callum’s head. “How could anyone not? You’re – you’re so _good_ and full of light despite everything and everyone making ya think otherwise. Callum Highway, you’re perfect to me.”

“Shut up,” Callum struggles to breathe, a shaky laugh escaping him.

“Make me,” Ben whispers, eyebrow quirking up. “If ya want-“

Callum silences Ben with a kiss that rocks them back. Hands pulling desperately and eagerly. They break to catch their breath, an exhilarated laugh leaving both of them to meet in the middle.

 _You’re not broken_ , Callum thinks as he kisses Ben again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> day 2: I don’t care if I get sick, just let me cuddle with you

“I’m fine. Just, being around ya gives me a headache.”

Ian looked on unimpressed. “I’m phoning Callum. At least he can tolerate you. I’ve never understood how.”

Ben glared up at his brother. “It’s because of my amazing humour and massive-“

“Filth,” Ian grimaced. “You sure you’re ok?”

“Ian, spare us both the time of pretending that ya care.”

“You’re right. I don’t,” Ian shrugged, before putting on his jacket and scrolling to Callum’s number. “Shall I ask him to bring you anything?

Ben smirks, the pain in his head making him cover his eyes with his arm. “Just the handcuffs and whip-“

“Does it ever get boring?” Ian groans.

Ben shakes his head briefly. “As long as it pisses you off? Never.”

Ian doesn’t give Ben the gratification of responding, instead making sure the door slams behind him.

“Idiot!” Ben shouts, instantly groaning in complaint at the pain in his head that seems to be travelling the length of every limb.

Callum must have turned into Usain Bolt between the time Ian phoned him. He arrived a little out of breath sitting on the edge of the chair as he tried to get his breathing under control. “Have ya phoned a doctor?”

Ben rolled his eyes, “don’t need a doctor, Cal.”

Callum worried at his bottom lip with his teeth, “typical this is,” he sighed.

“Woah,” Ben held his hand up in the space between them. “ _Nothing_ is going to ruin Saturday, alright?”

Callum scratched his eyebrow, not so hopeful. “I hope not. I ain’t walking down the aisle to just Stuart and Mick.”

Ben smiles at that, reaching out his hand until Callum’s sitting on the floor with his hand in Ben’s. “I’m going to be there and I’m going to make you my husband,” Ben says, sighing a little in disbelief that it’s almost here.

That they’ve come so far.

Callum grins at him, their engagement rings standing out more than ever when Ben brings their hands up to his mouth to kiss Callum’s knuckles. “Please don’t worry about me, yeah? I’m made of tough stuff,” Ben winks. “That reminds me, did Ian tell ya to bring the cuffs and whip?”

Callum splutters out a laugh, his cheeks pink, but eyes turning dark at the thought. “Bet he can’t wait for ya to move back out.”

“Him?” Ben huffs, “it’s me ya should be feeling sorry for!”

“Of course it is,” Callum shakes his head lovingly.

Callum makes a move to give Ben a kiss, but he’s stopped with a hand to his chest. “What?” Callum deflates, “it’s not some tradition I don’t know about, is it?”

Ben laughs, makes him forget about the pounding in his head. “I just don’t want ya to catch anything.”

Callum grumbles before telling Ben to move over as much as he can so he can lay down next to him. “I don’t care if I get sick, just let me cuddle with you.”

Callum lifts Ben’s head up until they’re looking at each other and presses a delicate kiss to Ben’s forehead. “I miss ya.”

Ben snuggles into him, pulling Callum closer with his arm over him and his leg in the middle of Callum’s. Ben’s thankful for the tiredness that greets him, closing his eyes as Callum plays with his hair. “Not long to wait now, future Callum Mitchell.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> day 3: so none of it was real? You didn’t mean any of it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning/s: homophobic slurs and talk of homophobia in football 
> 
> this one ran away with me a little... feedback appreciated as always. hope you like! x

Ben watches from the stand – all the way at the back where empty seats surround him.

He feels like he doesn’t belong here. He _shouldn’t_ be here, if people knew, there would be too many questions asked.

_It’s perfectly normal for a player from a rival team to come and watch one of your national team mates at a home game._

Ben keeps his head low until the teams are walking out onto the pitch, he only looks up at the plasma screen to see the one and only person he’s here for.

Number 1. Callum Highway.

Cheering and chanting begin to circulate around the stadium like it’s a game at Wembley and Ben can’t help but join in, clapping and whistling along. He crazily hopes Callum pinpoints it and looks up to find Ben – he doesn’t.

Ben should feel like a traitor for cheering when Callum makes more than one save. He won’t let it consume him, though. Not now, not when his insides are electric from seeing and _watching_ him play.

Ben can’t wait to meet him later on to show and tell him just how much.

*

They’ve found a place safe enough to meet. Over the last few months it’s grown from just the once a week to almost every other day and it still doesn’t seem to be enough.

It’s still a worry of being caught, more so for Callum than it is Ben. Ben gets it, he’s been where Callum is now. He will be patient and he can be, because little moments together alone mean more than nothing at all.

Callum’s kiss is warm and gentle, just as it always is. It always feels like it’s a treasured moment Callum believes he doesn’t deserve or shouldn’t have for himself. Like it shouldn’t be happening and they’re risking _everything_.

They’re kisses full of worry and panic, but the way Callum holds Ben’s head in his hands tell a different story. They’re strong and safe, protective and confident.

It’s bittersweet. Ben’s heart aches, but it’s not enough to end what they have. “You were amazing today,” Ben says softly, stroking a thumb over Callum’s hand that’s still on his face.

Callum blinks, sits back a bit. “You were there?”

“Yeah,” he smiles. “Needed to get my fix of seeing ya in those shorts.”

“Ben!” Callum laughs, relaxing a little into his car seat. He licks his lips before shaking his head away.

“What?” Ben edges closer to bring Callum’s attention back around to him.

Callum finally turns back to him, his bottom lip under his teeth. “I felt… _something_ there today. At the game. Felt like I was playing for more than just the win,” Callum blushes rapidly. “Must have been you.”

Ben bites down the broad smile ready to creep up on his face and leans over to kiss Callum again, this time with no holding back.

He clings onto him, takes the back of his hair in his hands and keeps it like that until he feels Callum’s desire build up through every touch. Callum’s soon pulling Ben by his coat until he’s straddling his lap.

“I can’t wait for next week,” Callum says between lengthy kisses that swirl something in the bottom of his belly.

“Get to see each other everyday,” Ben sighs with a smile. “Get to wake up next to ya. Hold you,” Ben presses his forehead against Callum’s, “I can’t wait either.”

*

Ben got his first call up for England three months after coming out nationally – he went against his agent and everyone who knew him personally to do so.

He endured the homophobic slurs from away fans, and he wasn’t naïve enough to think supporters from his own club weren’t culprits.

It only made him stronger. He became top scorer across the premier league, two seasons in a row. It was the biggest _F you_ to all of them and it was done in the sweetest way.

That was two years ago, and it still feels like a privilege to get selected to play for England.

**Ben 4:00**

_Why have ya left me to sit next to Barry?_

**Callum 4:03**

_Don’t blame me… Barry got there before me, what was I meant to do?_

**Ben 4:05**

_Push him over or something, I don’t care. Now I’ve got to listen to him snoring._

**Callum 4:08**

_Are ya always this grouchy in the mornings?_

**Ben** **4:09**

_Yes._

**Callum 4:12**

_Get some sleep… it’ll be worth it when we get there. Promise xx_

**Ben 4:14**

_Yeah? ;)_

**Callum 4:15**

_SLEEP BEN!_

Ben puts his phone away with a smile, getting himself comfortable to try and get some rest – closing his eyes just before he can see Callum turn around to sneak a glance at him.

*

Ben didn’t know much about Callum before he made the transfer to the premier league. Then he seemed to be everywhere at once.

His first memory was of them arguing on the pitch. He remembers how much taller he was than him. He seemed more powered up than any other play he’d had a bicker with on the pitch. After Callum had saved the penalty he had taken there was a smugness behind Callum that only Ben could match.

It annoyed Ben, made him hate him and never want to come across him again. Ben knew it wasn’t possible, but Ben wasn’t sure what their next coming together was going to be like and Ben wasn’t sure he’d be able to remain so calm.

Their frosty association with each other seemed to be picked up on from other team mates on both sides. They’d miss each other out on hand shakes before games, Ben would _scream_ in Callum’s face when getting the ball into the back of his net. It was payback, all of it, just for one moment that could have been forgiven and forgotten about easily.

Ben didn’t want to, it seemed Callum didn’t want to either. He’d make a point of avoiding Ben after a game despite the result. He would go around with the _softest_ smile on his face when giving everyone else a pat on the back, Ben could only laugh.

It was all pathetic really, but Ben could do petty if that’s what this Callum Highway wanted.

He didn’t mean anything to Ben.

*

When they arrive at the hotel it’s just gone midday and all Ben wants to do is get everything off and sleep in a warm bed.

“There’s been a slight problem,” Mick comes back from the reception with the room cards in his hand. “Two of ya are gonna have to share a room. Muggins here has mucked up the rooms.”

There’s a sigh and grumble amongst the lads, but Ben just looks over at Callum with a smile that’s matched easily before Callum looks down at the floor shyly.

“I don’t mind sharing,” Ben steps forward. “It ain’t a big deal,” the team look at him closely. “Don’t worry, you’re all safe from the big gay.”

They all laugh like they weren’t thinking exactly that, Ben’s used to it and knows there’s no harm in it. Ben urges Callum to speak up now, and he lets out a breath when he does just that.

“I’ll share with Ben,” he says with a shrug.

Again, the rest of the team look at them and amongst each other until Keanu speaks up. “You two hate each other, though.”

Ben rolls his eyes, “right now, I see him as a teammate. Anyway, I hate ya all equally when we ain’t playing for our country. He ain’t getting special treatment.”

Ben catches the soft look Callum gives him before he’s shaking his head fondly and kicking his feet back into the floor. “Thanks,” Callum grumbles, with no real heat behind it.

“You’re welcome,” Ben smirks. “Right, that’s sorted. Can we get a move on?”

Mick gives them a quick nod before handing out the cards. “I want ya all down here 7am sharpish for training, alright?”

“Yes boss,” is the teams reply before they all head their separate ways to go to their rooms.

It doesn’t take long until Ben’s arms are around Callum’s neck and he’s moaning into his mouth. They kick off their shoes with ease and Ben undoes the zip of Callum’s hoodie and pulls his shirt into his fists, pulling him in until Ben’s pressed against the wall. “At least we don’t have to sneak around from room to room,” Callum kisses along his jaw.

“No,” Ben swallows, his nails clawing Callum’s hair. “It’s just us in here. No pretending,” he sighs into Callum’s ear at the feel of teeth grazing his neck.

They both like the sound of that.

Just them. The real them.

*

“Are ya always this passive aggressive?” Ben sneers, Callum in his face, all red and _angry._ “It’s sexy,” Ben whispers, his nose close enough to touch Callum’s before the referee is blowing the whistle and telling them to separate.

Ben holds the ball under his arm when the penalty is given, the smirk on his face not wavering when Callum shakes his head in frustration before taking his place.

There’s so much noice around them. Ben can hear his name being chanted over and over by fans, but it becomes fainter as time goes by.

It becomes so faint and distant that Ben believes it’s just him and Callum in the stadium. He eyes up Callum – the redness to his cheeks seem less blotchy, he doesn’t even look annoyed anymore. He looks as though Ben has done or said something that’s opened up something in Callum that wasn’t supposed to be seen.

There’s a hint of worry and sadness behind Callum’s eyes before Ben remembers where they are and he’s taking the penalty perfectly.

He celebrates, but he doesn’t do what he usually would – he doesn’t goad Callum.

Callum almost looks thankful.

*

“Ya snore then,” Callum states, rubbing his eyes and getting out of bed and wishes the warmth followed him.

“You kick!” Ben argues back. “My poor legs are all bruised.”

Callum retreats from the bathroom with a laugh. “Ya just want me to kiss ya.”

“Maybe,” Ben grins and gets out of bed and discards his T-shirt and boxers on the way.

Callum swallows at the sight, not sure where to look and Ben realises it’s the first time Callum’s seen him with nothing on.

“Sorry,” Ben mumbles, scratching his belly a little before grabbing for a towel to wrap around himself.

“No,” Callum says quickly, taking the towel back. “I like that ya feel comfortable enough around me.”

“Course,” Ben bites his lip. “I trust ya. With anything.”

Callum clears his throat before stepping back a little to admire the naked form in front of him. A hint of a smile greets Callum’s lips.

“Is this the first time you’ve seen another guy naked?”

Callum nods a little. “Just you.”

It makes Ben react instantly, pulling him closer for a kiss that has Callum’s hands wandering around Ben’s body until they squeeze the flesh of Ben’s behind. Ben pulls away, unable to hold the moan back and hides his face in Callum’s neck.

Ben’s hands reach for more, curling around Callum’s T-shirt and he wants it _off._ He looks up at Callum without question, Callum nodding his ok because he just _knows._

Fabric puddles their feet as Ben looks down to take in Callum properly. Ben had dreamt about this moment, about seeing the flesh that he’d grab and scratch under clothes in heated and rushed moments. This was no dream.

“I know I’m not-“

“Shut up,” Ben shakes his head. “Don’t ya dare.”

“You’ve probably seen better is all I was going to say,” Callum suddenly covers his chest with his arms.

“No. No I haven’t,” Ben strokes along Callum’s arms before tugging them away gently. “Don’t compare ya self to anybody else, alright? You’re- you’re _gorgeous.”_

Callum scoffs unbelieving, and Ben warns him with a look. “I mean it, Cal.”

Callum’s eyes flutter at the nickname and then Ben’s placing feather like kisses along his chest and shoulders. He holds onto Ben’s shoulders for support has he lowers his lips to his nipples, taking it in turn to kiss them and nipping them in between his teeth until they’re sensitive and Callum’s hissing his name sweetly.

“Too much?” Ben asks, coming back up and stroking along the red parts of Callum’s upper body parts.

“The opposite,” Callum breathes, kissing Ben with purpose until they’re in the bathroom.

The mirror is fogged now from the steam of the shower and Ben tries not to look so eagerly when Callum takes off his boxers and stands bare in front of him.

“Ben, I’m up here,” Callum says jokingly, feeling the heat from being under Ben’s gaze.

When Ben _finally_ drags his eyes away he’s ready to apologise for gawping, but Callum’s smile is sweet and inviting. “Shower with me,” he says, going for Ben’s hand and waiting until Ben responds.

It doesn’t take Ben longer than a second to step into the shower first with Callum close behind him hand in hand.

“This might just be the best day of my life,” Ben muses.

Callum wants to laugh, but feels there’s nothing else he can do but nod his head in agreement.

They kiss under the shower and Ben doesn’t let go when Callum uses the hotel shampoo to wash his hair gently. It soothes any ache or pain Ben’s ever had and the fire in his belly prays to never die out.

*

There’s a party, there’s always _a_ party and of course Ben is invited to them all. Only this time Callum is there too.

It’s the weekend after their last come together on the pitch, and maybe any time before that moment, Ben would have left the building and found his entertainment elsewhere. Now, he stays.

He stays and mingles around and drinks champagne that doesn’t really appease to his taste - he’d much rather something stronger and he feels like he could do with it right now when Callum comes closer and there doesn’t seem to be any way of avoiding each other.

Or maybe they just don’t want to anymore. Ben doesn’t know. He gulps down what drink he has left before heading to the bar. He orders himself a whiskey, gets Callum one too. _Why?_

He doesn’t think too much into it But because there’s not much to think about, he’s just being nice. Ben’s a nice guy, despite what many people might say about him. Callum especially.

It doesn’t matter, though. Callum still doesn’t matter to Ben, he’s nobody. Really.

Callum’s alone when Ben approaches – he ignores the way Callum rolls his eyes at his presence, instead just smirks and offers him a drink.

“No thanks,” Callum takes a swig from the drink already in his hand.

“Call it a peace offering,” Ben pouts his lips, lifting the glass back towards Callum.

“Why?” Callum quizzes. “I mean, why now?”

Ben shrugs, “ain’t had much of a chance before, have I?”

Callum takes the glass reluctantly, but doesn’t thank Ben for it. “Is that all?” Callum questions.

Ben thinks about it, something in him doesn’t feel satisfied. “Want to get out of here? Go somewhere quieter?”

Ben hopes he isn’t asked why, because he doesn’t have the answers. Ben tries not to act surprised when Callum nods his head and heads out first.

They seem to walk for ages in silence, Ben just goes with it until Callum seems content with where they are and that it’s just them around. Callum seems to be aware of his surroundings, walking around the back of a building to a bench that’s there.

Ben follows, but stays standing whilst Callum takes a seat. “Come here often, do ya?”

“Only when I want to bury a body, yeah.”

Ben laughs, taking a sip of the brown liquor before answering. “Looks and a sense of humour. Can’t understand why ya don’t like yourself.”

_What? Where did that come from?_

Ben stares at the liquid in his glass, he’s blaming that for the words that have tumbled out into the space between them.

There’s a defensive look on Callum’s face when he finally speaks. “I just come here sometimes when it’s been a hard day, ya know? When ya just want the pressure of… of everything to go away.” Callum downs his drink in one, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Just like being on my own. To take time to think about stuff.”

Callum’s head seems to fall at the last part and Ben feels it in his chest. He takes a seat, just on the edge. “I think we’ve got the wrong impression of each other. I think me and you aren’t that different. I see myself in you.”

“There’s a joke in there somewhere,” Callum says, and Ben can’t be sure because of the darkness, but he senses Callum’s smiling.

Ben knows any other time a pun like that would have been intended, but here, with Callum and back on the pitch last week, he doesn’t have to act like that and he doesn’t particularly want to, however much it was fun at the beginning.

Ben sits back and takes a breath, looking up at the moon. “Was today a hard day?”

“Everyday is hard,” Callum confesses. “Ya probably know what that’s like? Before you… ya come out? It must have been hard.”

“It was, but that’s why I had to do it, ya know? I couldn’t carry on hiding away who I was just because being out and proud wasn’t what’s the norm in football,” Ben looks over at Callum. “You’ve got to forget about everyone else and put yourself first.”

“Easier said than done,” Callum smiles sadly.

“Whatever it is, you’ll get there, Callum,” Ben promises him because he believes it to be true. “And if ya want, ya can shout and push me around on the pitch as much as ya want if it helps ya.”

Callum huffs, “Ben-“

“Or don’t. I’m probably the last person you’d want to talk to about things, but I ain’t all that bad, alright? I’d listen to ya. Or we could just come here, and sit in silence. I don’t mind.”

There’s a while until Callum reply’s, but when he does, they’re both smiling just enough for the other to notice. “Yeah, alright.”

*

They lose their first game in group stages and the mood is frosty amongst the the team.

Especially Callum who hasn’t said a word since the final whistle. Ben knows him enough now to realise he’s probably blaming himself for the loss. He’s his own worst enemy sometimes – he doesn’t seem to believe how good he is no matter how much training he does or how he’s always in the starting eleven for club and country.

Ben’s proud of him, wishes he could wrap his arms around him in front of everyone and tell him.

He waits until Callum’s had a one on one with Mick, and can’t ignore how Mick embraces him and kisses the crown of his head. They can all see how special Callum is.

Ben decides to give them time alone without it feeling like he’s spying on them. He grabs a bottle of beer out of the fridge for them both and sits on the bed to wait.

He smiles fondly at the beanie hat that’s on the chair. Remembers Callum telling him he only wears it when he can’t be bothered to gel his hair and his hair is a flat mess underneath. He remembers seeing Callum wear it for the first time early hours in the morning because Callum _needed_ to see him and he’d never experienced nerves and excitement in equal measure before, but everything with Callum was new and an adventure. It was also the first time Callum had expressed his wants and needs when it came to Ben, agitation about what was starting to happen between them nowhere to be seen.

It was only a bit of woolly fabric, but it felt significant somehow.

Callum returns looking slightly better than after the game, smiling warmly when he sees Ben. He pulls him up to his feet and Ben wastes no time in wrapping his arms around Callum. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Callum breathes into his neck.

Ben senses he’s holding back slightly so he squeezes Callum. “Is it about the game? Because it really wasn’t ya fault. We just weren’t good enough today.”

“You were brilliant as always,” Callum judged.

“You would say that,” Ben laughs.

“I mean it,” Callum pulls Ben back by the back of his top. He swallows and looks unsure about what he wants to say next, but Ben is patient. “On and off the pitch, you’ve been amazing, Ben.”

“ _You_ have too,” Ben shakes him a little. “I need ya to believe it. You’re lovely and I- I’m proud of ya.”

Words clog in Ben’s throat and he gladly accepts Callum’s kiss. He needs time to bury words that were close to possibly ruining all that they’ve built. Words that Ben didn’t even know he had in him.

Callum keeps his eyes closed when he mumbles, “I want to ya know – take our relationship further. I want to have you fully.”

Ben brushes his thumbs over Callum’s eye lashes until he opens his eyes and is looking at Ben properly. “Ya know there’s no rush. Ya know I want it, but I can wait – I will wait as long as ya need.”

“I’m ready,” Callum licks his lips. “ _Please.”_

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Callum nods surely. “Don’t make me beg.”

“Now there’s a thought,” Ben grins, his thumb like a feather over Callum’s lips, “but maybe we can save that for next time.” Ben scratches his eyebrow in after thought, “I haven’t brought anything with me-“

Callum smiles, the blue of his eyes turning dark. “I did.”

 _Oh._ The idea of Callum having this in mind before coming here has Ben digging his nails into Callum’s arms hungrily.

There’s ecstasy and then there’s _that._ Their bodies cool down next to each other, Ben tickling up and down Callum’s arm as their breathing returns to normal.

“Ya should let goals in more often if that’s what happens,” Ben mutters against Callum’s skin.

He feels Callum laugh under him until fingers are under his chin and he’s being pulled into another kiss and there’s those words and thoughts again.

_I love you._

*

They become friends quickly, but they seem to enjoy having everyone else believe different. It’s fun in a way to have everyone else think they hate each other.

It feels like in a world where everything is so public, it’s good to have something that’s just for their knowledge only.

They meet up _again_ and Ben buys them coffee. They sit in silence, but it’s something they’ve grown accustomed to and it’s always comfortable and it seems to settle not only Callum, but Ben too. Here, everything is silent inside of Ben’s head. He doesn’t overthink things like he does when he’s on his own.

Callum’s quiet space soon becomes Ben’s, but they’re more than happy to share it together.

The sun goes down and the winter night sends a shiver down Ben’s spine. “Cold one ain’t it?”

Callum doesn’t say anything, just moves himself closer to Ben until their thighs are pressed together. Ben’s nostrils flare at the touch, at the way his body forgets about the cold and warmth grows from within.

“I want to tell ya something.”

“Ya know ya can tell me anything,” Ben says with encouragement. “As long as ya want to.”

“I do,” Callum nods, turning slightly so he’s facing Ben and he tucks one leg under the other. “I think- I _know_ I’m gay. I ain’t had much experience, but the last few months you’ve made me think and see things clearer.”

“Ok,” Ben breathes. “So you’re a baby gay.”

Callum blinks up at him, “a what?” Ben laughs warmly and Callum finds himself laughing a long. “Yeah, I might be a… baby gay, but I’m sure.”

Ben nods. “That’s - that’s great. I’m happy that ya told me.”

Callum takes a deep breath, “yeah, me too.”

Ben just smiles at him. He looks down and sees Callum’s hands fidgeting, picking skin around his nails and Ben wants to calm him. He places his hands over Callum’s, separating them until Ben’s firmly holding his hand. “I promise it gets better, alright?”

Callum looks stunned but he nods a little, a small smile on his face that melts into Ben’s bones. “You aren’t alone and I ain’t going anywhere either.”

“Good,” Callum squeezes Ben’s fingers that are soft on his palm.

Ben leans in close and presses a kiss to Callum’s cheek. Callum’s stubble on his lips feel stupidly soft, but Ben isn’t surprised. Callum leans into the touch and the thought of lowering his lips to meet Callum’s crosses his mind, but he won’t.

It would be a stupid move. Maybe.

This moment seems to have walls falling down around them. There’s nothing in between them, no barrier. The way Callum looks at Ben when they separate says it all.

They’ve crossed a line, but it doesn’t feel like such a bad thing.

*

There’s always going to be banter amongst the lads, but some of them clearly don’t know when to stop.

They’re celebrating after their first group stage win and mood is good around camp. Callum’s like a different person, but him and Ben know there’s more to it than just football.

They can’t keep their eyes off of each when they all head back to the hotel to celebrate in VIP area, it’s funny how clueless everyone is.

Ben’s itching to just get to their hotel room. It’s only been a handful of days since their first time, but Ben’s close to losing count to how many times they’ve been intimate that way since. He just wants and wants and he can’t see no end to it.

Drinks are flowing well, obviously too much when homophobic slurs are being made about one of the guys from the opposing team.

The glass in his hand feels close to breaking point when he catches Callum laughing along with them, his face falling instantly when he catches Ben looking over at him.

Ben’s used to it, he’s had years to get used to it, but witnessing that makes him feel like he’s gone back years. It hurts and he can’t stay here.

He’s angry and he knows he’s close to causing a storm if he gets involved. He slams his glass down onto the table, causing it to smash and have everyone turn to see what’s happening. The look of regret on all their faces make it clear they know what they’ve done and Ben was there to hear his so called ‘mates’ rip apart everything he stands for.

“Good night,” Ben snaps before shaking his head and heading to his room.

He knew Callum would follow him and he isn’t wrong when he hears Callum calling him, but he doesn’t stop because he knows Callum isn’t going to like him very much if he stops and says what he feels bubbling angrily inside him.

Callum doesn’t give up though, he’s there until he’s stopping the door from slamming in his face and he’s pushing himself into the room. “Ben-“

“You agree with them lot down there, do ya? That _fags_ are weak? Hm? Come on Callum, ya didn’t seem so quiet down there when ya were _laughing_ along with ‘em all.”

“I wasn’t-“

“You _were._ You going to lie to me now, too? After fucking everything we’ve been through, after how far we’ve come you think so little of us. Of me.”

Callum shakes his head quickly, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Ya know how I feel about you, Ben.”

“I don’t think I do. All I know is you’d rather fit in with them lot than be yourself. You’re a coward.”

Ben doesn’t mean that. His tongue is just being vicious, his heart is being caged away to protect him and he nearly takes it all back. He sighs, digging his hands into his eyes. “So none of it was real? You didn’t mean any of it? The last few months have been-“

“I love you, Ben. I _love_ you,” Callum says thickly, stopping Ben’s track of thought. “I’ve meant all of it and ya know it’s been real, Ben. Ya know I’ve been looking for this my whole life and I don’t have to look anymore, do I?” Callum stands in front of Ben and places his hand over his heart. “This is yours, it beats for you.”

Ben’s fingers curl into his shirt, “it beats to keep ya alive actually.”

“That too,” Callum smiles. “I’m sorry.”

“Please just don’t get pulled into stuff like that, alright? It ain’t you, and not just because you’re gay yourself. You’re too _nice_ to be involved with stuff like that all because they’re scared of their own masculinity,” Ben rubs his hands over Callum’s pecs. “Ya ain’t got anything to worry about there.”

Callum kisses Ben’s forehead, tells him he’s sorry again and again until Ben can’t bear it anymore. “I love you too, by the way.”

It’s a whisper, it’s the first time Ben’s ever said it in his life and he wasn’t sure he’d ever hear himself say them, but a weight lifts from his shoulders and he knows he’s never meant anything more.

Callum takes his head in his hands until they’re looking at each other, tears shining in his eyes and Ben says it over and over scarily easy until Callum pulls him in close for a kiss that shuts them away from everything else and secures them together.

Forever.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> day 6: ‘you forgot to give me a kiss before you left. Do that again and I will dump you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a VERY rushed chapter for today. sorry for any (many) mistakes

“I saw that. You just checked me out.”

“You’re seeing what ya want to see,” Callum says, soft huff leaving his lips, his cheeks heating up annoyingly easy.

Ben just smiles, stepping closer and raising his arms up until his hands reach Callum’s shoulders. His hands massage a little into the muscle there until Callum’s body gives in and relaxes, their bellies coming together. “I don’t mind. In fact, I don’t blame ya.”

Callum doesn’t have to say anything back, doesn’t even humour Ben with a roll of his eyes. Instead he uses the power he knows he holds here, hands firm at Ben’s waist.

His fingers rest on Ben’s belt, fingers close and teasing at Ben’s skin. “You ready for our trip tomorrow?”

Ben hums, body moving slightly in hope of getting more contact. “Ya mean our first date?”

“Thought ya didn’t do dates?” Callum says lowly, an unstoppable smile spreading across his lips.

Ben ducks his head low for a second before looking back up and combing his fingers through the back of Callum’s hair. “I don’t,” Ben replies arrogant. “I do _you_ , though,” Ben smirks, lifting himself up onto his tiptoes.

Callum just nods along with it before leaning in to give Ben a lingering kiss that has him digging his nails into the back of Callum’s neck.

*

They leave the square just after 8:00 - Ben making it known he isn’t happy with the early wake up call.

“Think Bobby caught me sneaking out,” Ben says through a yawn.

“He wouldn’t say anything, would he?” Callum asks, glancing at Ben before they reach a main road.

Ben shakes his head, “ya know he likes ya.” 

Callum’s smile is tight, “shame about everyone else, eh?”

Ben rubs at his eyes before going into his over night bag to get out his glasses and put them on. “They ain’t important,” Ben sighs, leaning over slightly until he can reach Callum’s thigh. He rubs up and down gently, smiling at the way Callum’s body seems to relax under his touch. “Don’t worry about it, yeah? Just enjoy ya self.”

Callum nods a little, stopping at traffic lights and taking the chance to take Ben’s hand in his and kiss along his knuckles.

Ben settles into his seat as their journey continues, hand still over the warmth of Callum’s thigh and falls asleep.

*  
“You ain’t even trying,” Ben teases, picking apart his candy floss. “I _really_ want the Peter rabbit.”

Callum throws his last hoop and gets it over the cone, winning, and eyes up the Eeyore teddy instead. “Think I’m going to choose that one actually. Think Lexi would prefer that.”

Ben pouts, tugging at Callum’s side until he’s got his attention. “I didn’t waste ten minutes of my life standing here for ya to win Lexi a price.”

Callum laughs, shaking his head. “She’s your daughter! And a child, unlike _you.”_

“Says the one who lives off of ice cream all year round,” Ben raises his eyebrows. “I want the rabbit,” Ben’s free hand cups Callum’s ears with a grin. “Reminds of someone.”

“They ain’t that big!” Callum protests, poking a finger in Ben’s side.

“What prize do you want, mate?”

They turn in sync towards the guy behind the stall, Callum apologies quickly before picking the rabbit. Ben leans up to kiss his cheek a few times before his arms are filled with a teddy almost as big as him and Callum pinches his candy floss, finishing off the rest.

They spend the rest of the day going on rides and Callum makes sure to win Lexi an extra gift before they leave.

*  
Having to pretend you aren’t madly in love with someone your family despise wasn’t really what Ben _or_ Callum signed up for. At first, they did it out of spite, because they thought it would be fun to go against everything everyone was telling them.

They did what they wanted, they let them self’s have some fun until one night stands were turning into breakfasts in bed and breakfasts in bed were turning into date nights, and sneaking out to meet each like children who had been grounded because they couldn’t get enough of each other.

Lexi was only two, she didn’t _know_ she was supposed to hate the tall man with rosy cheeks and big ears. Her daddy didn’t seem to hate him and Lexi was a daddy’s girl from the day she was born. Their bond was tight knit from day one - Callum somehow finding himself amongst the duo and fitting perfectly.

Callum had rushed out in the morning before Ben and Lexi had woken up and on his return Ben didn’t look best pleased.

“What’s happened?” Callum asks, coming behind Ben to stroke the back of his head as he walks by because he _can’t_ keep his hands off.

“You forgot to give me a kiss before you left. Do that again and I will dump ya.”

Callum snorts out a laugh, sitting down to Ben and taking Lexi in his arms when she reaches out for him. “I did kiss ya actually. You were just snoring like a dying hippopotamus.”

Ben widens his eyes. “I’ve had some insults in my life, but that hurt the most I think.”

Callum laughs, shaking his head. “Silly daddy, eh?” Callum kisses Lexi’s head whilst she kicks happily. “I love ya really.” Ben looks at him stunned, “I mean-“

“I love ya too,” Ben replies as quickly as he can. Almost amazed that Callum could ever love him, especially when their circumstances aren’t exactly ideal. “God, do I love you,” Ben feels the need to say it again, leaning towards Callum.

Ben welcomes Callum’s hands to his face as they share a kiss. Lexi’s happy squealing is what parts them, making them both look down at her to join in with her laughter.

*

Bobby smiles at them both. “Well I think it’s great,” he says. “It was pretty obvious anyway.”

“Thank Bobby,” Callum smiles back, his calm and frankly grown up reaction settling his nerves slightly.

“I think we all need to be a little more like Bobby here,” Ben points at him. “Mature and-“

“That’s rich coming from you,” Ian huffs.

Ben sighs, looks around the room at his family and Stuart. “Look, I don’t really care what you lot think of me and Callum being together, but it ain’t far that we’ve got to hide away all the time because of some old family feud. I love Callum,” Ben shrugs unapologetically. “I ain’t losing him and if I gotta chose between you lot or him then it will always be him.”

“Ben,” Callum shakes his head. “Don’t say that.”

“I mean it, you and Lex are the most important people in my life.”

“You don’t have to choose,” Phil suddenly says, bringing his hands out of his pockets to offer out his hand to Callum. “Welcome to the family, Callum.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> day 7: free choice 
> 
> warnings: blood mention and talk of violence

The hero shows up at the villains doorstep in the night. They’re shivering, bleeding, _scared._ There’s a hazy look in their eyes. They look like they were assaulted. Looking at the villain, swaying slightly as they step closer, “didn’t know where else to go.”

Ben lets him come in, placing him down gently onto a chair in his kitchen. “Thought you were meant to be the one rescuing and _fixing_ people.”

Callum groans, “didn’t come here for a lecture.”

“Why did ya then?” Ben brings a first aid kit with him and sits in front of Callum.

“I told ya,” Callum looks away. “Didn’t know where else to go.”

Ben bites his lip, opening up a cleansing wipe. “I could do anything to ya here and nobody would know. Living dangerously Callum, I like it.”

“Ya wouldn’t though.”

“No?” Ben raises his eyebrow.

“No,” Callum stares down Ben until it’s him looking away.

Ben shakes his head slightly, he calculates the amount of damage done to Callum’s face. He thinks about what they’re going to do next, about who is going to _pay_ for this. Ben sweeps a hand under Callum’s chin until there’s no way of avoiding eye contact, “who did this to ya?” Ben asks, feels the tension in his jaw.

“I don’t know,” Callum admits. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Did ya deserve this? Did ya do something to deserve the state you’re in now?”

“No-“

“Then it matters,” Ben says, “when I find them I’ll-“

“Ya won’t,” Callum sighs. “I’ll handle it my way, alright?”

Ben rolls his eyes, “ya ain’t got a bad bone in your body Callum.”

“I’m out there everyday saving people, Ben. Ya think I haven’t had to get my hands dirty before? I _know_ what I’m doing and I don’t need you trying to protect me.”

 _But I care about you_.

Ben shrugs, begins to wipe the blood off of Callum’s face. They don’t talk about it again, but they both no it isn’t over yet. Not until Ben’s got his hands on them.

They are on both sides of the world – they see things differently, but somehow always meet in the middle. Ben’s one of the bad guys, he’s supposed to be hated by people like Callum.

Callum isn’t like anybody else he’s ever met. Callum’s somehow found his way into Ben’s fractured heart along the way and began to mend it without him knowing.

That in its self is a power.

Ben knows that should be reason enough to hate him. Walking into his life and making him feel and want things he knows he can’t have - isn’t worthy of. It screams upset and danger like a siren that won’t go off in Ben’s head.

He can’t help himself, though. He doesn’t know how to pull away, to fight like he does outside these four walls.

There’s always looks, small touches and smiles. They’re moments that have stayed with Ben as they’ve got to know each other away from what they’re known.

“I’m glad ya came here tonight,” Ben cleans the final cut on Callum’s eye. “The thought of ya out there on your own… ain’t worth thinking about.”

Callum looks taken aback before he pulls himself together and takes a deep breath. “What happens if I do this?”

Ben frowns, “what?”

“This,” Callum whispers, closing space between them until there’s nowhere to hide anymore and Ben’s mind explodes all at once when Callum kisses him.

Ben pulls him in closer, it feels close to desperation the way he holds him close.

Ben doesn’t have any answers, he doesn’t know the outcome, right now he doesn’t even care.

He just hopes this path they’re headed down doesn’t come to a dead end.


End file.
